When Customer Service Fails: A Tale of Two Countries

The caller had a request, fix the billing error of $250.00 eBay charged to his PayPal account.  He explained the eBay account had not listed anything for sale in over a year, thus the “Seller Fees and Associated Charges” were in error.  The eBay representative confirmed the “primary” account had not been used in over a year, but the “secondary” account had.  Due to eBay’s research, they had determined the two accounts were “very similar” and had linked them, so the charges to the caller’s PayPal account were valid.  The caller explained there was not a secondary eBay account, never had been, and thus the other account was not his.  The eBay representative assured the caller they had conducted a thorough investigation and the case was closed – the charges stood.  The caller politely asked to escalate the call to a supervisor.  He was told by the eBay representative the supervisor would tell him the same thing.

This is when the caller lost his mind.  

"I will crawl through this phone and eat your soul!"

Quoting his wife, “I have never seen you so mad.  You frightened me.”  The caller’s wife had left the room crying.  The caller was reduced to screaming to be connected to a supervisor NOW!  Reminding eBay THEY had experienced a data breach, and that the “secondary” account was fraudulent.

The call was finally transferred to a person identifying themself as a “supervisor in the Trust & Fraud Department”.  This individual stated eBay HAD identified the “secondary” account as fraud, that it had been closed, and that they clearly knew it was not associated with the caller’s primary account. 

The response from the supervisor was 180⁰ different than the first representative who had assured, 

“The supervisor will tell you the same thing I am telling you.”

The supervisor with eBay then explained that the charge had already been processed and the caller would have to dispute it with PayPal.  The caller asked the supervisor three times, “And I have your assurance eBay WILL NOT dispute my dispute of the charges.”  He was told eBay would not.

This eBay call center was located in India.

"Thank you for . . nothing.  I really don't care what you want."

The caller, whose voice was now extremely raspy from yelling, contacted PayPal. His first question when the young lady answered, “Can you please tell me in what country you are located.” The bright and helpful young woman stated, “The United States, sir.” A wave of relief washed over the caller. He explained the situation and asked Tiffany for help. She ask the caller to hold as she connected eBay on the call. When the line connected she explained she was calling from PayPal and had the account holder on the line. The caller explained the situation to the eBay representative, as apparently notes from the previous two individuals had not been logged into the system. The eBay rep asked questions regarding the items that had been listed, the callers address and telephone. He quickly realized an error had been made.

"Good afternoon, sir.  And I really mean it."

The PayPal representative – whom the caller was unaware had remained on the line – retook the call, thanked the eBay rep for their time, and disconnected them from the call.  Tiffany apologized for the inconvenience and stated she would take care of the problem immediately.

. . . and she did.

While the caller was still on the line he received an email stating a reversal of the charges had been processed and would be in the callers account within 3 to 5 days. 

Tiffany exceeded expectations as the money was in the caller’s bank account the next day.

This is a prime example of American problem-solving versus other countries whom follow a script.  The eBay representative followed an on-screen script without listening to the caller or researching the problem.  He proceeded to anger the caller, and drive a stake in the caller’s faith in eBay, simply by not following a simple rule Americans seem to innately possess – listening to the customer instead of waiting for their turn to talk. 

Executives with MBA’s at multiple Fortune 500 companies have expressed the value of off-shoring jobs to India as,

 “ . . . [they] have college degrees and will work for one-third the wages of Americans.”

"And momma said it wouldn't do me any good."

What they fail to account for in labor savings is the loss of customers.  Payroll comes out of one cost center, acquiring customers and customer retention from another.  They may save a few dollars, but ultimately they lose the customer.  The income source dries up, but to paraphrase these executives,

“That’s someone else’s problem.  I cut costs in my division.”

As I look at it, I’ll take American high school graduates any day than low-cost college graduates from India. The other guys may have saved a few bucks in the short-run, but I’ll still be in business when they drive off all their customers.

If you have questions regarding your business' marketing strategy, feel free to contact me at darren@darrensomsen.com.

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. . . And Beer Won't Make You Sexy.

So, according to a Huffington Post article, Red Bull has a pending class-action lawsuit do to it's slogan, "Red Bull Gives You Wings."  The plantiff is apparently a dumbass and cannot separate hyperbole from statement of facts.  I recommend anyone coming in contact with the individual keep knives away from him as they do not clearly state they are sharp and can cause open wounds or scissors, as they do not warn people not to run with them.

Better yet, please escort this person to a padded room and only feed them soft food so as they do not choke from improper chewing.

Hyperbole is a cornerstone of advertising and marketing.  It allows a brand to make a statement that is humorous, or absurd, to capture the attention of the consumer.

One of my first marketing freelance jobs was redesigning a local restaurant's menu.  Their food was delicious, but the menu was bland.  I used woodcut images and descriptive paragraphs to punch-up the offerings.  It was the J. Petermann catalog of prepared food.

The restaurant was well-known for their carrot cake.  It was moist, used fresh walnuts, did NOT include raisins, and had a very thick layer of smooth, delicious cream cheese icing.  I described the frosting as, " . . . so thick, you'll have to stand on your chair to eat it."  This was hyperbole, but made the point that it had a lot of icing.

Six-weeks after publishing the menus, the client called and asked me to change the description of the carrot cake.  Sheldon explained he had a rather large customer who summoned him to her table to complain the cake's icing was NOT that thick.  I suggested he ,"Grab the plate, hold it over his head, tell her to eat the g*dd*mmed cake -- then get the f**k out of his restaurant."  After he shot semi-hot coffee out his nose, he said he couldn't do that, but that he'd pay for the reprinting.

I think his giving in to an absurd complaint was indicative of businesses giving in to the litigious nature of a narrow segment of our society who has taken it upon themselves to protect us from humor.  As a society, our continued capitulation to self-appointed nannies will only spiral down to reduce marketing to bland statements of facts and dehumanize our culture.

Because anyone who truly thinks Red Bull will ACTUALLY give you wings lacks the IQ to sign their names with anything sharper than a crayon.

A suggestion for Red Bull's new slogan, "Stupid Lawsuits Make You a F**king Idiot."

Good-Time Rock and Roll Excellent Company Want You

The headline immediately caught my attention -- but not in a good way.  "President Of Staff, Powerful Company Posistion" set off red flags before I could read the body of the posting.  It reads like an email from a Nigerian Prince who wants "kind and gracious help in the name of Jesus Christ" to move $137,549,011.95 out of his Country, of which he'll give half for your help.

We'll never know if this is a legitimate job posting because no self-respecting executive is going to allow this company to have their personal information.  The title President of Staff is not in the current business lexicon of which I am aware.  What "Powerful Company" and are they driven by good intentions?  Don't want to get half way through an interview to find the position is the president of the League of Doom or ISIS.  Unless you're Lex Luthor, it would not look good on your resume.

So, if assumptions are made this is a legitimate offer, where did the staff err?  This wasn't posted on Craigslist, but on a site I have not heard of, "www.postjobfree.com" -- which itself sounds like it was not created by someone for whom English is their first language.  Unfortunately, postings on this site are being picked up by legitimate job listing aggregators like ZipRecruiter.

But are legitimate companies suffering from similar errors in their job postings?

The note above comes from a legitimate company advertising on Monster for a VP of Sales and Marketing.

Did the company's HR department misunderstand the hiring manager's request for references prior to a job offer? 

". . . you may be required to arrange an interview with your previous bosses, peers and subordinates." 

The wording is clunky and open to misinterpretation.  Does the hiring manager want to check references, or interview the references to see if they're a better fit for the position.  And the prospective employee may be responsible for setting up the interview?  Phone or in person?

"Hey Bob, it's me, Jack.  Jack Taggert, I was the Director of Marketing up until two weeks ago when the SEC came in and you had to layoff 90% of the staff.  Okay, now you remember.  Well, I have a pending job offer that looks good, but they want to interview you first.  I don't know, they just told me to set it up.  No.  In person.  Come on Buddy, can you do me a solid?  No?  Home confinement?  Damn!  Sorry to hear about the indictment, Bob.  Sure.  Maybe we can get together in a few weeks." 

Then there's the second paragraph:

• Send a resume.  To this:  duh.  The job hunter is applying for a position with the company.  Of course they are going to send my resume.

• Recent salary history.  According to Nick Corcodilos, a veteran Silicon Valley headhunter, "Politely but firmly decline to disclose your salary history. Substitute this: 'I’d be glad to help you assess what I’d be worth to your business by showing you what I can do for you but my salary is personal and confidential, just as the salaries of your own employees are.'"

• A short write up describing a time when you managed a team that grew revenue substantially.  Does the HR department or the hiring manager even intend to read the resume of the applicant?  As a serious professional would have this information as a highlighted item in their resume.

My advice, proofread job postings as carefully as you will judge an applicant.  A company doesn't want to damage its reputation by reading like a scam email.  Even in a tight economy, prospective employees are interviewing employers as well.

If you have questions regarding your business' marketing strategy, feel free to contact me at darren@darrensomsen.com.

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