. . . And Beer Won't Make You Sexy.

So, according to a Huffington Post article, Red Bull has a pending class-action lawsuit do to it's slogan, "Red Bull Gives You Wings."  The plantiff is apparently a dumbass and cannot separate hyperbole from statement of facts.  I recommend anyone coming in contact with the individual keep knives away from him as they do not clearly state they are sharp and can cause open wounds or scissors, as they do not warn people not to run with them.

Better yet, please escort this person to a padded room and only feed them soft food so as they do not choke from improper chewing.

Hyperbole is a cornerstone of advertising and marketing.  It allows a brand to make a statement that is humorous, or absurd, to capture the attention of the consumer.

One of my first marketing freelance jobs was redesigning a local restaurant's menu.  Their food was delicious, but the menu was bland.  I used woodcut images and descriptive paragraphs to punch-up the offerings.  It was the J. Petermann catalog of prepared food.

The restaurant was well-known for their carrot cake.  It was moist, used fresh walnuts, did NOT include raisins, and had a very thick layer of smooth, delicious cream cheese icing.  I described the frosting as, " . . . so thick, you'll have to stand on your chair to eat it."  This was hyperbole, but made the point that it had a lot of icing.

Six-weeks after publishing the menus, the client called and asked me to change the description of the carrot cake.  Sheldon explained he had a rather large customer who summoned him to her table to complain the cake's icing was NOT that thick.  I suggested he ,"Grab the plate, hold it over his head, tell her to eat the g*dd*mmed cake -- then get the f**k out of his restaurant."  After he shot semi-hot coffee out his nose, he said he couldn't do that, but that he'd pay for the reprinting.

I think his giving in to an absurd complaint was indicative of businesses giving in to the litigious nature of a narrow segment of our society who has taken it upon themselves to protect us from humor.  As a society, our continued capitulation to self-appointed nannies will only spiral down to reduce marketing to bland statements of facts and dehumanize our culture.

Because anyone who truly thinks Red Bull will ACTUALLY give you wings lacks the IQ to sign their names with anything sharper than a crayon.

A suggestion for Red Bull's new slogan, "Stupid Lawsuits Make You a F**king Idiot."